I was just praying now. Praying about everything going on in the US, about the hatred I'm seeing, about the anger, the fear, the hurt. As I continued to pray, I realized that right now I'm feeling much like the disciples did in the boat at sea.
Mark 4:35-40New International Version (NIV)Jesus Calms the Storm35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
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I feel as though I am one of those disciples, on that boat, in the middle of the storm. I'm terrified. I'm sick from being tossed to and fro. I cannot believe this is happening, and I'm scared for my life, for my fellow humans' lives. And. AND in the midst of it my Lord is quiet and calm. Peaceful. I don't understand it. But, I'm not supposed to. Jesus leaves us a peace that is not of this world.
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I'm desperately looking for the calming presence and peace of Christ, of God, of the Holy Spirit in this storm I feel and (quite honestly see) raging around me at this moment. I believe God is in this storm with us. I believe God already sees past and is past this storm and knows what lies at the end. I believe God is in charge. I believe God works all evil for God's own good.
I'm just having a hard time seeing that through the storm right now. My human nature is winning right now - that part of me that doubts, that has issues truly believing. So, I have one final prayer today:
Forgive me, Lord. I am still afraid.
Please help me to see you in this storm.
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